It seems like just a few short years ago everyone I met was prospering in land ownership, rising investment portfolios, and increased accessibility to more and more money-making schemes. 
This is not to say that most people were using 'game' to get their bank accounts propped up (not suggesting a hustle or con type of navigation), but rather, that A LOT of people were making A LOT of money that to the observer would seem absurd in its acquisition.
How they made the money seemed transparent enough.
They cashed out the equity on their parents mortgage-free Pacific Palisades 1950's ranch-style home (the one with the ocean view).  People felt great about themselves, and about their choices.  I'm not saying that period wasn't fun! But whenever we get into an upside market, most people tend to overestimate their money-generating potential. 
Ok, so here we are today.
I would bet anything that we all know at least ONE person that has been laid off...or otherwise lost their source of income.
(Unless of course one owns a "gentlemen's club" [strip joint...ehem!] or other "vice-type" of business---interesting how gambling establishments seem to do so well in harder financial times...)
My point being, things have changed, and we are told that everything is cyclic.
The unsettling thing is how many couples...seemingly GREAT couples have split since this financial shift.
There are couples with several children, that have been together (happily?!) for a significant amount of time, whom are now calling it quits.
Is it the money?
Maybe.
It's easy to 'love' your partner when you are bedazzled by a new boat each season,
luxury suites in posh hotels in cities that most can only dream of exploring,
the latest Mercedes-Benz sedan,
and occupation of the most coveted seats in certain eateries around the world.
But now, I see couples everywhere simply throwing up their hands in defeat and walking away.
Often, I am asked what one or both of the partners ought to do about the seeming "failure" of the relationship collapsing.
This is where I get a little radical in my beliefs.
I am of the mindset that some couples simply are mismatched; and the intoxicating pleasure of "available funds" for things like travel and otherwise sexy rendezvous are the blinders on a a seriously anemic and  feeble horse.
Maybe some couples are only able to make a union last in the "good times".
Maybe not.
But I do believe it isn't constructive for people that are splitting because the weight of their financial burden has all but broken their backs, to "stick it out" for the sake of appearances.
If you and your partner are pissed off at one another because funds are scarce..maybe being together isn't the best thing for either one of you.
Maybe, saying "I do" was only referring to the partner's desire to spend the other's cash reserves?
I believe that it's archaic to base the "success" of a relationship on the amount of calendar pages that have been peeled back.
Love feels great when it's working...but nothing hurts more profoundly than a love lost.
For all those that are grieving the loss of not just their job/income but also their beloved..I wish you the highest and best possible outcome.

For most of us, there are mornings we awaken remembering a disturbing dream, and have the memory of the upsetting dream spill over to effect the rest of the day, or at least the rest of the morning.  On the occasion that we arise recalling a particularly fabulous dream...like a sexy tryst with one's most adored lover, that kind of effect can leave us with a glow through the day that makes even the traffic on the highway seem pleasant. (Ok, maybe the effect isn't THAT overwhelming....but you get the idea.)
So what do dreams REALLY mean.
Naturally, the psychological community spends a great deal of time trying to answer this question, with endless experiments and surveys conducted on accommodating college students.  What is the consensus?
Well...there are a couple of different camps, each with just-valid-enough arguments to support their side of the debate.
Personally, I enjoy dream work with clients enormously.
What has proven to be effective in giving the client insight in the dream analysis is the belief system on which the dreamer has placed his opinion regarding the importance..or lack thereof, of dreams.
A while ago, a client had a dream that had been recurring for a few weeks by the time he came to me.
He laid out his dream.
It was ripe with dream-symbolism staples...like water, a dark alley, a darker metro tunnel, you get the picture...
Turns out that he had never really thought about dreams and the meaning behind them.
As we worked through the dream, it came to light that he was suffering from a particular illness, which has been making an impact on his social life.
He had particular fears that were buried deep in his being which he refused to face.  Since he had become ill, the fears began to surface, he no longer had the energy to keep the dreams stuffed in his subconscious.  By analyzing the meaning of the symbols, he was able to work out a considerable amount of his 'sturm und drang' through working the symbols his mind was feeding him while he slept.
After the session, he felt a lot more secure, and certainly calmer since the bulk of his fears were brought to light.
Keeping a dream journal is a great way to get in touch with what is going on in your mind that might be too difficult to occupy the forefront of your mind.

Things have been pretty quiet the last couple of days when it comes to the saga around Sandra Bullock, Jesse James, and the overly ambitious tatooed side dish.  First we have America's Sweetheart, looking stunning with her well rouged pout and her sleek  side swept 'do, accepting her first Academy Award for "The Blind Side".  We watched, glued to our flat screen televisions, as she poured her heart out on her love of family, her zeal for step mothering, and her seemingly unwavering love for her once-upon-a-time-bad-boy-now-reformed-doting-family-man, Jesse James.  We watched as he held back tears of joy and pride for his wildly successful spouse as she clutched her new Oscar.  Was there anyone watching this utterly believable demonstration of devotion and adoration from James to Sandra, with the idea in mind that in a few short days, all of this would come tumbling down like a house of cards built on the San Andreas fault?!  Probably not. I doubt even the most cynical among us would have predicted that within a week, the tabloids, the news and the internet would be plastering photographs of one hyper-inked, former Amish, single mother, ex-stripper turned tatoo model claiming to be the mistress of said brimming with pride, doting husband.  Really, the Amish aspect takes most of us to new levels of disbelief, does it not?  But then it gets even worse, with said misguided art enthusiast tatoo devotee posing in nazi garb while being said to have "White Power" spelled out on her refrigerator in Playskool fridge magnets!!   You couldn't  script this kind of stuff and think it was salable as "believable"!  But alas, there it is folks, Mr Sandra Bullock actually should have taken home the Oscar that evening for Best Supporting Actor in a Tragedy.  I don't know if he has been simply been giving the media lip service about his immeasurable love and adoration for his multi-millionairess wife, or whether he meant it all.  Naturally, anyone with a heart wants this to all have been some big mistake, if only for the kids involved in this situation.  Sandra Bullock has been pretty open about her love and maternal instincts being demonstrated to the three children that Jesse James brought to their marriage from his two previous unions.  I guess Sandee didn't quite realize that James really DID have a thing for triple x type women with more ink on them than any given sailor in 1944.  But that's not to say that he didn't love her, or doesn't love her, does it? 
What I find to be the most interesting aspect of this story, is that at the end of the day, the tatooed side dish becomes a kind of commentary of poster girl for the Women's Movement of the late 60s and 70s.  Back then, the conversation was about sexual liberation, and women claiming their power and independence.  Women were struggling to "own" their sexuality and become more comfortable with themselves as sexual creatures.   The inky paramore of Jesse James is the epitome for what the Sexual Revolution had been striving.  A woman that would take control of her sexuality, and not only feel comfortable about it but actually drive it like a Ferrari on the Autobahn of mainstream consciousness.  We don't have like her, her chosen hobby of self decoration, or her possible alignment with anything that Goering or Goebels would have approved.   Regardless of what you may feel about this "other woman" she did not promise Sandra Bullock to honor her and forsake all others, Jesse James did.  And as far as the segment of women that believe that a woman should never get involved with a "taken" guy out of respect and affiliation to the Sisterhood of Women everywhere, I say that this shirks the responsibility of the cheater and shifts the blame ( again!! Hester Prynn??).  There are so many issues that are enveloped in this one story that I am sure it will become grist for a lecture or two at some of our most esteemed university,  I just want to know what she was thinking with that ink on the forehead decision...

Ever notice in your own relationship, or in one that is very close to you, that some couples can have a total blow out fight with one another, and the next day either on or both of them seems to be completely over it?! Maybe that is you or your partner. You have a real conflict on Monday, and say by Tuesday your partner seems to have totally bounced back from the confrontation, while you find yourself still sulking for several days after the argument. Why is that? Well, a recent study out of Harvard University points to this kind of “emotional resilience” to a specific area of the brain. In other words...now researchers can tell if we are going to be angry for days on end, or sulky for some of us, through the use of functional MRIs. The fMRIs illustrated that those people with increased activity in the Lateral Pre Frontal Cortex, were more likely to bounce back the day after an argument or confrontation with their partner. With this information, psychologists may be able , in the future, to successfully predict who will be more prone to develop issues around mood and mood regualtion after a stressful event.

The study's lead researcher, Christine Hooker, had this to say about the finding; The key factor is that the brain activity in the scanner predicted [the couple's] experience in life. Scientists believe that what we are looking at in the scanner has relevance to daily life, but obviously we don’t live our lives in a scanner. If we can connect what we see in the scanner to somebody’s day-to-day emotion-regulation capacity, it could help psychologists predict how well people will respond to stressful events in their lives.

So what's the big deal you may be asking?

The big deal is that we now know, the region of the brain called the Lateral Pre Frontal Cortex, if observed, is an accurate indicator of emotional resilience. And emotional resilience is something that is desirable. We all know someone that being resilient is something of a strength when it comes to dealing with people in our lives. By being able to successfully identify that a part of the brain has decreased activity in those that are less likely to spring back from traumas, researchers may just be able to predict who will be more likely to develop a disorder with their mood, and maybe even before the moodiness, blues, and sulking take place. Interesting stuff.

Depression is the biggest mental health issue in America today, with almost 19 million Americans suffering from the disorder.  That's just under 10% of the population struggling under the weight of this disorder.  To break it down even more, that is basically one in ten Americans is wrestling with depression.
So, naturally, it's no surprise that researchers and the those in the mental health field want to know just what does successful treatment of depression look like. In a study that was done at Chicago's Rush University, it was discovered that patients diagnosed with clinical depression have better outcomes to medical treatment if they have belief in a concerned God. This study's actually building on an earlier study that showed us that those that had a religious belief were somehow protected from symptoms of depression. Mystical stuff? Maybe. But it's turning out to be true, nevertheless. Now this is taking into consideration that the patients in the study were all taking antidepressant medications, it's just that those that had a firm belief in a benevolent God simply fared much better.

The underlying feeling that was key in the improvements was the feeling of hope, which typically accompanies spiritual beliefs. What's more, the improvements that were seen were directly tied to the belief that they had a God, or Spiritual Being that cared. That was the key...they believed that their God or Higher Power cared about their well-being.

So if you are seeking treatment for depression, of course medications are important in finding relief, but on top of that, it's a great idea to let your therapist know where you are in terms of religion and spiritual matters.

1. You know, sometimes, when I begin working with a new client, they tell me that they are depressed, and that they have been depressed for quite a while now. When I ask them if they can pinpoint a situation or event that they believe triggered it, I often get a surprising response. They tell me it all started when they got married!
   
   It's believed that between 5 to 10 percent of Americans suffer from depression, the bulk of the sufferers being women. Researchers have found a major contributing factor to the malady in women is marital hostility. The research found that husbands’ hostile and antisocial behaviors increased their wives’ symptoms of depression over time. The more hostile and anti-social behavior exhibited by husbands, the more depressed their wives were after three years.
   
   What's even more interesting is that wives' hostile and aggressive behavior had little to no impact on the emotional well-being of the husband. Things that did affect the husband's experience of depression were serious illness, the loss of a job or promotion, or the death of a loved one.
   
   What's more, warm and affectionate behaviors from husbands significantly lowered a wife's experience of depressive symptoms!
   
   So what did the researchers define as antisocial behaviors? Antisocial behaviors are those that are self-centered, defiant or show a lack of restraint; hostile behaviors are those that are angry, critical or rejecting. So what does this mean? It means that we are affected by those we love, and they are affected by us. If you already knew that, its important to let your therapist or other mental health provider know what's going on for you at the couple level in order to provide a clearer picture of what is going on in your life.
   
   It may seem like a funny joke to tell someone that your husband is making you sick, but for many women, that's the sad truth. Depression can be a seriously debilitating disorder, but there are effective ways to deal with this disorder. Medication coupled with psychotherapy are the most efficient way to treat depression. See your physician and ask her about your medication options in treating your depression.
   
   

It's happened to all of us, we are driving down the street, minding our own, when some jerk decides to cut us off, endangering them as well as us! This can set in motion a ball of aggression from either yourself or your mate in response to the rude driving move. From there, the rest of the day can find itself unraveling into a tangled mess on the floor, with even more anger and hostility to top it off.

A lot of people have issues around anger. They could be suffering from unresolved anger, their spouse could have angry outbursts, a parent could be the anger monger, of course we have all had an unpleasant experience with an angry boss, and for the most part, being the brunt of another's anger feels just as terrible as being engulfed in anger ourselves. One of the worst feelings is being the parent of an angry child, because we know that our child is hurting. But there are things that we can do to avoid the horrendous pitfalls of anger and find a way to diffuse some of the anger that may be brewing inside.

Researchers have found that exercise is an invaluable tool in heading off uncontrollable anger. In fact, they have discovered that regular exercise seems to reduce anger expression in overweight but otherwise healthy children. In essence, exercise plays a dual positive role in treating issues of anger in kids and overweight.

In the first published study on the topic, scientists looked at 208 typically sedentary 7- to 11-year-olds who participated in a 10-15 week after-school aerobic exercise program or maintained their usual inactive routine. They discovered that by participating in regular exercise activities their angry expressions and aggressive behaviors diminished significantly.

Of course, this finding builds on the research that regular exercise is a great help in alleviating depression and anxiety in adults.

It also gives parents and other caregivers another reason to get and keep children moving...naturally the boost to metabolism from exercising is a plus, but when dealing with orneriness in children, the side benefit of a more easy going disposition from exercise is a huge plus! Also, the “quality time” that kids and parents spend together will certainly serve as a bonding tool. All in all, the benefits of getting out with your kids and playing ball or going skating is something that will bring a lot of rewards to the table. Naturally, if Mom or Dad gets moving with their kids , the family itself enjoys a a more relaxed mood if only because there isn't the same amount of energy reserved for hostile outbursts! So, next time you find yourself wanting to wring someone's neck, stop yourself...take your kids and go play a game of street hockey instead! Have fun and be safe!!

People who have cut themselves off from passion have switched their allegiance to something else almost as strong. Because the flow of life won’t be stopped, a counterforce must be called in to oppose it–the counterforce of fear. Fear of life is extremely common whenever someone complains of ennui.

Fear at any level of the psyche makes it much more difficult to trust that passion is safe. If my wife criticizes me, a warning voice that I hardly notice will sap my desire for her. If my husband dislikes the way I keep house, I will feel inhibition about fully expressing my sexual needs. Thus existential issues are activated by everyday obstacles.

In relationships where two people have allowed the underground war between fear and desire to go on too long, suppressing passion becomes an actual life goal. In fear’s warped value system, getting “too close” seems like a problem instead of the solution. As nature created us it is normal to seek pleasure; a fearful person avoids pain instead.

The reason that falling in love is so passionate is simple: desire is no longer a choice. Romance bursts the dam of inhibition. Its erotic power proves too much for fear and repression to hold back. At the deepest level people never fall in love accidentally. They simply grow tired of living without passion, and having made this unconscious decision they open up once more and allow themselves to receive love.

Without waiting to fall in love, you can rekindle passion by imitating this process. When the passion is gone from a relationship, both partners must be honest in stating that they have desires. The critical step is to eliminate your partner entirely as the cause of the problem and take responsibility for your own feelings.

Adapted from The Path to Love, by Deepak Chopra (Three Rivers Press, 1997).

The first decade of the new century is now officially over, and as such, it seems that a bit of reminiscing can be appropriate.  Sure this decade started out with tons of anxiety over such whacky notions as "Y2K" and the belief that the monetary system under which we have all agreed to operate was going to collapse within the tick of a minute on a clock.....and that clearly didn't happen.  But while I was giggling about the Y2K craze with my husband, it occurred to me that naturally the decade was going to fall victim to mass hysteria and relentless public relations campaigns insisting that the sky was falling.  Or at least the Dow Jones was falling!  Now, I know this doesn't seem like something I would usually blog about, especially since I have promised the Universe that I would stay in a place of Positive Receptivity, while invoking the Spirit of Tranquility and Prosperity to all that come my way.  But this is not a roast of the decade, far from it. This is merely a New Year's Day refresher course on how to keep your eye on the prize, and other handy mnemonic devices to keep the attuned in tune!
While the next decade of our time is now upon us, I would like to go over some basics on how to get more of what you do want, and less of that stuff you say you don't want:

1. Stop! And take a deep breath...
This is an important first step in getting yourself to "Be here now", so to speak.  It's far too easy to allow ourselves to get frazzled, to the point of forgetting to take a deep breath.  By simply stopping and taking a couple of deep breaths, you immediately tune into yourself and have more awareness around what you are doing.  And, since this blog is mostly about Psychology, Happiness, and Getting What You Want, this getting-yourself-together-tool is a powerful one at that!
Next time you find yourself sitting on the freeway, cursing the traffic, STOP! and take a couple of deep breaths. You'll feel better, I promise!

2. Focus on your Feelings and then Learn to increase Certain Ones
Recently I had a chat with a woman that seems to have a difficult time getting the basics of Manifesting 101 under her belt. (She has to realize that Law of Attraction is always at work, for everyone, everywhere.) She rattled off a list things that were upsetting her, and then topped that list off with a slew of physical complaints that would only have seemed appropriate coming from the pages of a Solzhenitsyn novel!.  I asked her if it made her feel good to experience all the things she claimed she didn't create in her life.  Of course she told me that she felt terrible just talking about the stuff.  So I invited her to STOP talking about it, and do whatever it is that makes her feel better.  She looked at me as if I ate plate of broken glass, sprinkled with sugar of course.   She just didn't get it.
So here is what I tell everyone I work with...do more of what makes you FEEL GOOD, and less of what makes you feel BAD.  iImple stuff I should think..If you are feeling anxious and terrible every time you find yourself talking about your problems, but you feel good every time you are singing in the church choir, guess what?? It's a good idea to spend more time singing!  By doing what makes you feel good, you experience more feeling good.  Cutting edge discoveries into the hows and whys of the physical world are pointing to our feelings as predictors of what we will experience.  Learning to read our emotions, to learn what it is we are actually feeling, rather than masking our feelings through the various distractions (such as substance addiction...) is a wise thing to spend time understanding. We CAN learn to cultivate our feelings such that we are able to experience more of the feel good stuff.  In other words, "acting as if" you are already joyful, is a great way to cultivate a joyful feeling.
Tip; if this is all you do this year, so be it.  Instead of complaining and harping on what's wrong, simply sit on a chair and smile for two minutes a day.  Try it! You will discover that sitting and smiling is a meditation that anyone can do, and anyone can benefit from.

3.  Get Over It!
Humans seem to love a good revenge tale.  Yet, when we learn that it's far better to forgive a wrong doers deed, than to obsess and concoct ways to achieve vengeance, we set ourselves free.  I have heard it said that the Truth will set us free...I would add to that saying that forgiveness will also set us free.  When we make the choice to allow a hurt, a slight, a remark get us feeling lousy, we perpetuate the environment in which the slight was created.  By getting past petty grievances, and hurts from the past, you cultivate your emotions to be more positive.  This will attract more positive circumstances to appear in your life...which will then result in more positive feelings and so on.
For couples this year, I invite couples to do more kissing and less bickering.  Decide to choose your battles wisely, and you may not have to battle at all!  By having more physical closeness, you encourage and release key neurotransmitters in our brains that are responsible for feeling good.  SO, if oyu want to get along with your spouse better, just get cozy with them under the blankets and you will be surprised how quickly you two will bond clos

So, as we begin this new decade, let's all do a lot more of the stuff that makes us feel peaceful and loved, and less of the stuff that feels awful.  Deal? Great!

Anyone that knows me knows that I am a huge fan of Abraham-Hicks.   Abraham is the entity which Esther Hicks channels, teaching us, well...teaching us how to create more of what we want...more of the good stuff.  I love this instruction because it is very matter-of-fact, digestible, and incredibly elegant in its simplicity.   Basically, the teaching illustrates that by feeling good, we attract more of the stuff to us that created that feel good emotion.  So the better you feel..the more you feel better...and so on.   The Law of Attraction has been getting so much media attention lately and I am thrilled that this is the case.  I want to share with readers an excerpt from a Abraham-Hicks presentation;

If you feel disappointed about where you are in relationship to where you want to be, you'll never be able to be there.

If you feel hopeful about where you are in relationship to where you want to be, you've already begun closing the gap.

If you feel eager about where you're going, if you feel enthusiastic, if you feel passion- now you're on the way.

If you feel discouraged, you're not closing the gap. If you feel angry, you're widening the gap. If you feel frustration then you're sort of stuck right where you are.

Your emotions are your indication of your movement. So what you're reaching for is satisfaction with where you are and eager for more.

This passage illustrates how profound our emotions are in creating the lives that we wish to experience.  If you feel yourself feeling less than joyful, examine what is happening inside of you!  I wish you all the best of joyfulness and bliss!