Cynthia Giocomarra, PsyD.
Psychotherapy and Life Coaching

The first decade of the new century is now officially over, and as such, it seems that a bit of reminiscing can be appropriate.  Sure this decade started out with tons of anxiety over such whacky notions as "Y2K" and the belief that the monetary system under which we have all agreed to operate was going to collapse within the tick of a minute on a clock.....and that clearly didn't happen.  But while I was giggling about the Y2K craze with my husband, it occurred to me that naturally the decade was going to fall victim to mass hysteria and relentless public relations campaigns insisting that the sky was falling.  Or at least the Dow Jones was falling!  Now, I know this doesn't seem like something I would usually blog about, especially since I have promised the Universe that I would stay in a place of Positive Receptivity, while invoking the Spirit of Tranquility and Prosperity to all that come my way.  But this is not a roast of the decade, far from it. This is merely a New Year's Day refresher course on how to keep your eye on the prize, and other handy mnemonic devices to keep the attuned in tune!
While the next decade of our time is now upon us, I would like to go over some basics on how to get more of what you do want, and less of that stuff you say you don't want:

1. Stop! And take a deep breath...
This is an important first step in getting yourself to "Be here now", so to speak.  It's far too easy to allow ourselves to get frazzled, to the point of forgetting to take a deep breath.  By simply stopping and taking a couple of deep breaths, you immediately tune into yourself and have more awareness around what you are doing.  And, since this blog is mostly about Psychology, Happiness, and Getting What You Want, this getting-yourself-together-tool is a powerful one at that!
Next time you find yourself sitting on the freeway, cursing the traffic, STOP! and take a couple of deep breaths. You'll feel better, I promise!

2. Focus on your Feelings and then Learn to increase Certain Ones
Recently I had a chat with a woman that seems to have a difficult time getting the basics of Manifesting 101 under her belt. (She has to realize that Law of Attraction is always at work, for everyone, everywhere.) She rattled off a list things that were upsetting her, and then topped that list off with a slew of physical complaints that would only have seemed appropriate coming from the pages of a Solzhenitsyn novel!.  I asked her if it made her feel good to experience all the things she claimed she didn't create in her life.  Of course she told me that she felt terrible just talking about the stuff.  So I invited her to STOP talking about it, and do whatever it is that makes her feel better.  She looked at me as if I ate plate of broken glass, sprinkled with sugar of course.   She just didn't get it.
So here is what I tell everyone I work with...do more of what makes you FEEL GOOD, and less of what makes you feel BAD.  iImple stuff I should think..If you are feeling anxious and terrible every time you find yourself talking about your problems, but you feel good every time you are singing in the church choir, guess what?? It's a good idea to spend more time singing!  By doing what makes you feel good, you experience more feeling good.  Cutting edge discoveries into the hows and whys of the physical world are pointing to our feelings as predictors of what we will experience.  Learning to read our emotions, to learn what it is we are actually feeling, rather than masking our feelings through the various distractions (such as substance addiction...) is a wise thing to spend time understanding. We CAN learn to cultivate our feelings such that we are able to experience more of the feel good stuff.  In other words, "acting as if" you are already joyful, is a great way to cultivate a joyful feeling.
Tip; if this is all you do this year, so be it.  Instead of complaining and harping on what's wrong, simply sit on a chair and smile for two minutes a day.  Try it! You will discover that sitting and smiling is a meditation that anyone can do, and anyone can benefit from.

3.  Get Over It!
Humans seem to love a good revenge tale.  Yet, when we learn that it's far better to forgive a wrong doers deed, than to obsess and concoct ways to achieve vengeance, we set ourselves free.  I have heard it said that the Truth will set us free...I would add to that saying that forgiveness will also set us free.  When we make the choice to allow a hurt, a slight, a remark get us feeling lousy, we perpetuate the environment in which the slight was created.  By getting past petty grievances, and hurts from the past, you cultivate your emotions to be more positive.  This will attract more positive circumstances to appear in your life...which will then result in more positive feelings and so on.
For couples this year, I invite couples to do more kissing and less bickering.  Decide to choose your battles wisely, and you may not have to battle at all!  By having more physical closeness, you encourage and release key neurotransmitters in our brains that are responsible for feeling good.  SO, if oyu want to get along with your spouse better, just get cozy with them under the blankets and you will be surprised how quickly you two will bond clos

So, as we begin this new decade, let's all do a lot more of the stuff that makes us feel peaceful and loved, and less of the stuff that feels awful.  Deal? Great!