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Happy New Year! 01/02/2010
 
The first decade of the new century is now officially over, and as such, it seems that a bit of reminiscing can be appropriate.  Sure this decade started out with tons of anxiety over such whacky notions as "Y2K" and the belief that the monetary system under which we have all agreed to operate was going to collapse within the tick of a minute on a clock.....and that clearly didn't happen.  But while I was giggling about the Y2K craze with my husband, it occurred to me that naturally the decade was going to fall victim to mass hysteria and relentless public relations campaigns insisting that the sky was falling.  Or at least the Dow Jones was falling!  Now, I know this doesn't seem like something I would usually blog about, especially since I have promised the Universe that I would stay in a place of Positive Receptivity, while invoking the Spirit of Tranquility and Prosperity to all that come my way.  But this is not a roast of the decade, far from it. This is merely a New Year's Day refresher course on how to keep your eye on the prize, and other handy mnemonic devices to keep the attuned in tune!
While the next decade of our time is now upon us, I would like to go over some basics on how to get more of what you do want, and less of that stuff you say you don't want:

1. Stop! And take a deep breath...
This is an important first step in getting yourself to "Be here now", so to speak.  It's far too easy to allow ourselves to get frazzled, to the point of forgetting to take a deep breath.  By simply stopping and taking a couple of deep breaths, you immediately tune into yourself and have more awareness around what you are doing.  And, since this blog is mostly about Psychology, Happiness, and Getting What You Want, this getting-yourself-together-tool is a powerful one at that!
Next time you find yourself sitting on the freeway, cursing the traffic, STOP! and take a couple of deep breaths. You'll feel better, I promise!

2. Focus on your Feelings and then Learn to increase Certain Ones
Recently I had a chat with a woman that seems to have a difficult time getting the basics of Manifesting 101 under her belt. (She has to realize that Law of Attraction is always at work, for everyone, everywhere.) She rattled off a list things that were upsetting her, and then topped that list off with a slew of physical complaints that would only have seemed appropriate coming from the pages of a Solzhenitsyn novel!.  I asked her if it made her feel good to experience all the things she claimed she didn't create in her life.  Of course she told me that she felt terrible just talking about the stuff.  So I invited her to STOP talking about it, and do whatever it is that makes her feel better.  She looked at me as if I ate plate of broken glass, sprinkled with sugar of course.   She just didn't get it.
So here is what I tell everyone I work with...do more of what makes you FEEL GOOD, and less of what makes you feel BAD.  iImple stuff I should think..If you are feeling anxious and terrible every time you find yourself talking about your problems, but you feel good every time you are singing in the church choir, guess what?? It's a good idea to spend more time singing!  By doing what makes you feel good, you experience more feeling good.  Cutting edge discoveries into the hows and whys of the physical world are pointing to our feelings as predictors of what we will experience.  Learning to read our emotions, to learn what it is we are actually feeling, rather than masking our feelings through the various distractions (such as substance addiction...) is a wise thing to spend time understanding. We CAN learn to cultivate our feelings such that we are able to experience more of the feel good stuff.  In other words, "acting as if" you are already joyful, is a great way to cultivate a joyful feeling.
Tip; if this is all you do this year, so be it.  Instead of complaining and harping on what's wrong, simply sit on a chair and smile for two minutes a day.  Try it! You will discover that sitting and smiling is a meditation that anyone can do, and anyone can benefit from.

3.  Get Over It!
Humans seem to love a good revenge tale.  Yet, when we learn that it's far better to forgive a wrong doers deed, than to obsess and concoct ways to achieve vengeance, we set ourselves free.  I have heard it said that the Truth will set us free...I would add to that saying that forgiveness will also set us free.  When we make the choice to allow a hurt, a slight, a remark get us feeling lousy, we perpetuate the environment in which the slight was created.  By getting past petty grievances, and hurts from the past, you cultivate your emotions to be more positive.  This will attract more positive circumstances to appear in your life...which will then result in more positive feelings and so on.
For couples this year, I invite couples to do more kissing and less bickering.  Decide to choose your battles wisely, and you may not have to battle at all!  By having more physical closeness, you encourage and release key neurotransmitters in our brains that are responsible for feeling good.  SO, if oyu want to get along with your spouse better, just get cozy with them under the blankets and you will be surprised how quickly you two will bond clos

So, as we begin this new decade, let's all do a lot more of the stuff that makes us feel peaceful and loved, and less of the stuff that feels awful.  Deal? Great!


 
 
Anyone that knows me knows that I am a huge fan of Abraham-Hicks.   Abraham is the entity which Esther Hicks channels, teaching us, well...teaching us how to create more of what we want...more of the good stuff.  I love this instruction because it is very matter-of-fact, digestible, and incredibly elegant in its simplicity.   Basically, the teaching illustrates that by feeling good, we attract more of the stuff to us that created that feel good emotion.  So the better you feel..the more you feel better...and so on.   The Law of Attraction has been getting so much media attention lately and I am thrilled that this is the case.  I want to share with readers an excerpt from a Abraham-Hicks presentation;

If you feel disappointed about where you are in relationship to where you want to be, you'll never be able to be there.

If you feel hopeful about where you are in relationship to where you want to be, you've already begun closing the gap.

If you feel eager about where you're going, if you feel enthusiastic, if you feel passion- now you're on the way.

If you feel discouraged, you're not closing the gap. If you feel angry, you're widening the gap. If you feel frustration then you're sort of stuck right where you are.

Your emotions are your indication of your movement. So what you're reaching for is satisfaction with where you are and eager for more.

This passage illustrates how profound our emotions are in creating the lives that we wish to experience.  If you feel yourself feeling less than joyful, examine what is happening inside of you!  I wish you all the best of joyfulness and bliss!
 
 
I have a bit of experience on working with people that are experiencing depression.  As a therapist, it can be somewhat dismaying on a personal level to feel the frustration of being unable to "cure" a client of the ills associated with depression.  Especially when there are techniques that I KNOW will do a great deal of good.  But a study came out recently that Jeanette Maw was kind enough to post on her blog,www.thegoodvibeblog.com
about the prospect of using one's imagination to "fix" the past as per a post made by Lynne McTaggert on her blog.
Apparently, through the breakthrough of functional MRIs , scientists have been able to identify activity in the brain that is responsible for recalling events, as well as imagining future events.  Now what is so exciting about that? Well, a lot!!  For one thing, this "new" insight will help us to learn ways to re-understand our pasts, making repairs in the "future"/now that were needed in the past.  In an effort to get the point across to you best (or, more to the point-to hear it from the horse's proverbial mouth!) let me re-post McTaggert's post vis a vis Jeannette Maw's post (talk about six degrees of separation!):
In the brain, time does not exist. Extraordinary new evidence shows that the brain cannot distinguish between the recall of our own past (called ‘episodic memory’) and imagination of our future events. Indeed, the same areas of the brain are activated for both activities and are somehow intertwined.

The first clue to this came when researchers at University College London discovered that people with memory problems also have difficulties in imagining their future in any detail.

Patients suffering from amnesia, who could not recall specific information from their own life history, were able to conjure up only a fragmentary design of their future.

In other studies, people suffering from depression who routinely suffer lapses in memory have difficulty imagining their future.

One reason that depression may persist is that the sufferer has a problem imagining that life will ever get better for him.

Past and future come together

Recently researchers at Washington University in St Louis, Missouri, studied patients using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI). In this study, people were asked to both recall and imagine common events, such as a birthday party or the experience of getting lost. To the surprise of the researchers, identical areas of the brain were activated whether the participants were recalling or imagining.

As was noted in a recent issue of New Scientist: Not only is our personal past and future tightly ‘linked’ in the brain, but both are handled by a ‘universal module for mental time travel’. Even more fascinating, when the brain is not focused on anything in particular, researchers have discovered that the very same mental time-travel ‘network’ is still operating.

These findings pose many interesting questions regarding time and our relationship with it.

If the brain is simply an antenna and transducer of quantum information and it doesn’t distinguish between past and future, imagination and recall may well be interchangeable. Imagination could be used to ‘fix’ those past events that are still unsettling you.

Experiment with some of the following ‘retro-intentions’ with your partner or loved one. But first, make sure to ‘power up’ before you begin these exercises.

* If you’ve had a large bust up or disagreement of some sort that was never resolved, try having the two of you cast your minds back to the point where the event started. Carry out an intention for it to resolve itself at that time. See if it now feels resolved for you both.

* If you are still not getting along with someone, have both of you cast your minds back to the point where you first had the disagreement, and send your intention to change it there. Remember to be very specific.

* If you and your children argue frequently, try casting your mind back to a specific time when you were getting along. Imagine the same event with them at the age they are now. Try this frequently and see if it stimulates you to get along with them better in the present.

* If you cannot get along with someone at your place of work, imagine future events in which you are both working together harmoniously. See if that helps to resolve past issues.

* If you and a parent have unresolved conflicts from your childhood, go back to a really difficult moment. Imagine the same event in the future, with you and the parent as you are now, but ending up harmoniously. See if this alters your negative memories.

Now, I don't know about you, but this just really excites me.  So I started to use this technique right away.  I went back in my mind to situations that either made me feel miserably unhappy, or to-the-core embarrassed!  I went back in my memories and instead of being caught in the middle of that food fight in 8th grade...I reworked my "memories" and instead, I was showered in a cascade of rose petals!  (That was just a joke...)    :-D
 
 
One of the most fun time-wasters with which I love to fritter away a day of lounging and relaxation is through taking quizzes and tests online.  My teenagers seem to take more tests in an attempt to decipher, and then define their personalities, or more directly, which Twilight character they resonate with most, than do in school during any given week.   Hey! That is fine with me...I would rather have them in the family room taking quizzes than out running amok!   So what of these various personality tests, depression scales, overeating assessments, and other popular quizzes found on websites.  I believe they are a good thing rather than a bad because anything that can give one insight to who they are, what they tend toward, how they maneuver, where they feel most comfortable, yada yada is a bonis to the individual that is truly trying to figure out what exactly makes them tick.   I don't scoff at quizzes that are seemingly ridiculous because there are things in them that CAN be beneficial...if only for the fun facter.   Try taking one of these pop quizzes with your kids and you both may learn something about each other--and have a fun memory of doing it down the road.   So, by the way, what's your favorite color? Do you know what that color choice might say about you?  No? Well I happen to have a color indicator handy...how convenient, no?
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Whether we’re a vibrant Orange, or a peaceful Blue, our color preferences are a key to understanding our personalities. Find out what this color expert has to say about your favorite color. What does it reveal about who you really are? White: Symbolic of purity, innocence and naivete, white has strong connotations of youth and purity. If you are an older person, your preference for white could indicate a desire for perfection and impossible ideals, maybe an attempt to recapture lost youth and freshness. It may also symbolize a desire for simplicity or the simple life.

Red: The color of strength, health, and vitality, Red is often the color chosen by someone outgoing, aggressive, vigorous and impulsive—or someone who would like to be! It goes with an ambitious nature but those who choose it can be abrupt at times, determined to get all they can out of life, quick to judge people and take sides. Red people are usually optimistic and can’t stand monotony; they are rather restless and not at all introspective, so they may be unaware of their own shortcomings. They find it hard to be objective and may blame others for any mishaps. Quiet people with a preference for red may feel the need for the warmth, strength and life-giving qualities of the color, or they blanket their true feelings under a sober exterior. Red is usually chosen by people with open and uncomplicated natures, with a zest for life.

Maroon: Harsh experience has probably matured the Maroon person into someone likeable and generous. It is often a favorite color of someone who has been battered by life but has come through. It indicates a well-disciplined Red personality—one who has had difficult experiences and has not come through unmarked but who has grown and matured in the process.

Pink: This color embodies the gentler qualities of Red, symbolizing love and affection without passion. Women who prefer Pink tend to be maternal. Pink desires protection, special treatment and a sheltered life. Pink people require affection and like to feel loved and secure, perhaps wanting to appear delicate and fragile. Pink people tend to be charming and gentle, if a trifle indefinite.

Orange: This color of luxury and pleasure appeals to the flamboyant and fun-loving person who likes a lively social round. Orange people may be inclined to dramatize a bit, and people notice them, but they are generally good-natured and popular. They can be a little fickle and vacillating, but on the whole they try hard to be agreeable. Orange is the color of youth, strength, fearlessness, curiosity and restlessness.

Yellow: The color of happiness, wisdom and imagination, Yellow is chosen by the mentally adventurous, searching for novelty and self-fulfillment. Yellow usually goes with a sunny and shrewd personality, with a good business head and a strong sense of humor. It is the color of intellectuality and all things to do with the mind. Yellow folks are usually clear and precise thinkers who have a good opinion of their own mental capacities and who have lofty ideals. They may at times tend to shun responsibility, preferring freedom of thought and action.

Green: The color of harmony and balance, Green symbolizes hope, renewal and peace, and is usually liked by the gentle and sincere. Greens are generally frank, community-minded people, fairly sociable but preferring peace at any price. Green people can be too self-effacing, modest and patient, so they may get exploited by others. They are usually refined, civilized and reputable.

Blue: Soft, soothing, compassionate and caring, Blue is the color of deliberation and introspection, conservatism and duty. Patient, persevering, conscientious, sensitive and self-controlled, Blues like to be admired for their steady character and wisdom. They are faithful, but are often worriers with somewhat inflexible beliefs and can be too cautious, and suspicious of flamboyant behavior.

Blue-Green: Exacting, discriminating, poised and attractive, the Blue-Green person tends to be sensitive, intellectual and refined, persevering and stable if rather detached. Blue-Greens have excellent taste, and are usually courteous and charming, capable but often refusing help or guidance.

Turquoise: Complex, imaginative and original, Turquoise people drive themselves hard and may be in a state of turmoil under their outwardly cool exterior.

Lavender: This is often chosen by a person who lives “on a higher plane,” who never notices anything sordid and who is always impeccably and beautifully dressed. Lavender people may be on a continual quest for culture and the refined things of life, high and noble causes but without the necessity of getting their hands dirty. A Lavender person is usually creative, charming, witty and civilized.

Purple: Purples are highly individual, fastidious, witty and sensitive, with a strong desire to be unique and different. Temperamental, expansive and artistic, a Purple person may become aloof and sarcastic when misunderstood. If you chose Purple, you tend to be unconventional, tolerant and dignified, likely to achieve positions of authority.

Brown: A Brown person has stamina and patience, tending to be very solid and substantial, conscientious, dependable, steady and conservative. Browns are not impulsive, and may be inarticulate and tactless but they love responsibility and are reliable and kindly. If you chose Brown, watch out for a tendency to be obstinate and inflexible.

Gray: The color of caution and compromise, diligent Grays search for composure and peace and often work hard without reward. Older Grays like life to run on an even keel with few ups and downs. Young Grays may be withdrawing from life and suppressing their personalities. Grays often have good business ability and tend to work too much.

Black: Dignified and impressive without being showy, Black people want to give the appearance of mystery, but their preference may also indicate a suppression of desires and worldly aims, suggesting hidden depths and inner longings.

Adapted from The Healing Power of Color by Betty Wood (Inner Traditions, 1998).


 
On Sleeplessness 08/24/2009
 
Today, the Los Angeles County Coroner sent a message to all would-be physicians hoping to make a small fortune as the go-to Doc for prescription medications for sleepless celebrities.  The message was this; prescribe irresponsibly and you just may end up being charged with homicide should your paparazzi-dodging pop star end up unable to survive the pharmaceutical cocktail you administered.  Apparently, the LA Coroner has determined that Michael Jackson's physician committed a homicide (at best manslaughter, I suppose).  This has got to be a frightening idea for many physicians that cater to celebrities, and the like.  But what strikes me as sadly ironic is the fact that the King of Pop may have had sleep elude him for not months or years, but decades.   Here was a man that  had access to resources into which the average mortal would never be able to tap in a million life times.  But, BUT!, the one thing that is free of charge to all of us as human beings and animals alike on this planet, is sleep.  We NEED sleep, physiologically, psychologically, and in the opinion of many, spiritually.  In order to for us to thrive, we require rest, we require REM-the restorative sleep that offers us the wild, complicated, vivid dreams that have us scurrying for our desktop dream analysis guides. Without this stage of the sleep cycle, the chemical sin our brain go haywire (to use a really technical term) and our bodies express symptoms that are not pretty.  There is a reason why telling someone they "look tired" is not a flattering comment.
In our culture, it is all too easy to combat a night of sleeplessness with the aid of a few prescription (or over-the-counter) medications.  But this doctor seemed to have been prescribing medications, that when researched on the internet, seem to be used mostly, if not solely, for general anesthesia!  Doesn't that seem outrageously extreme?? 
When I work with clients, the topic of sleep and sleep habits is discussed.  Knowing how one sleeps lends great insight as to their way of life (ever talk to a cocaine addict that hasn't slept for a while-not very coherent!) and their symptomology.  If someone is sleeping too much, or too little it speaks to something inside of themselves that they are often unable to face alone.  As a coach and counselor, it is important for me to get a sense of the client's sleeping life, as well as a portrait of their waking life. 
I am not surprised that the LA Coroner has found Michael Jackson's death to have been avoidable.  It only bewilders me that with all the resources available to him, and the myriad specialists in sleep and healthy life choices accessible to a star living in Los Angeles, he didn't get guidance from somebody that could see the writing on the wall, what a tragic irony.
 
 

As a child, I was always reminded that every cloud had a silver lining.  Of course, this statement has little or no meaning for a six year old, but that never stopped my dad from reminding me. He was one of those optimists that really could see the good in any and all situations, events, and people.  That, I have grown to learn, is a gift in and of itself.  To continue his legacy of bright eyed positivism, I have come to love the work of Dr. Marty Seligman and his brainchild, Positive Psychology.  Dr. Seligman is one of those rare geniuses (he is a tenured prof at UPenn-and last I checked, it was still an Ivy League institution which churns out quite a bit of interesting research).  If one knows about the history of psychology in the United States, one knows that funding for research orbited around psychopathology for the better part of half a century.  The fact that research on happiness-authentic happiness at that!-was pursued at all in a legitimate sense can be attributed to the work of Dr. Seligman (IMHO).  So what of this body of work? Well, it suggests what my dad knew all along.  That optimism can be learned, and that your perception is really important.  So what of this economic downturn?  To be honest, my family seems to have benefitted from this crisis in that we all spend much more quality time together.  I mean, when was the last time you saw teenagers actually engaged in conversation that didn't involve a handheld device? Exactly.  So when people come to me complaining about how terrible it is now that their satelite tv has been canceled, I invite them to craft a game of charades with their kids.  Some people I have suggested this ti have taken my advice and reported to me that they are having more fun with their families than before.  Kudos to them!  Their kids are better off with their parents spending more creative time with them, no doubt about it.  Seeing the upside of this downturn is one part of the learned optimism I teach clients.  Seeing the glass half full is seeing more closeness out no Dish Network.

 
 

,More than likely we have all heard someone use the phrase; "Everything happens for a reason."  Now, depending on one's circumstances at the times of receiving this age-old adage, the reaction will, no doubt, vary from complete agreement to utter disgust.  Over the weekend, the small, close-knit community in which I live experienced  a devastating fire.  This Town Center hosts a series of businesses, ranging from attorneys, real estate offices, postal services, the library, civic buildings, various doctors, and a few tasty eateries.  Naturally, in a resort community, the town would host a few bars for nightlife.  There are four such watering holes in this center, all catering to the full gamut of patrons (from 20-somethings to dedicated octogenarians).  The most frequented of these nightspots was sandwiched between a law office and a party rental service (there was a child care center in the works as well).  This bar went up in flames early Friday morning and took out the entire row of businesses on each side.   This is a devastating event for the people in this community.  Needless to say, several families are now suffering the anxiety and fear of the unknown, given that there places of business have been completely destroyed.  But what makes this event the more tragic, is that early the nest morning, someone decided to hurl a Molotov cocktail at the entrance of one of the other bars!  This really added insult to injury because the entire community is now walking on pins and needles wondering if there is a crazed arsonist with a vendetta against booze-backed businesses lurking about.  And they have every right to feel this way!  Believe  me, I understand the impact that fear of the unknown can have on one's life (its my business to understand), but how does one wrap one's brain around the phrase that I hear being uttered around town; "Everything happens for a reason" ??  That idea can be a really tough sell in situations like this.  (Actually, that idea is a hard sell for a significant amount of folks anyway.)  I would like to think that these tragic events (the child care center -The Drop-Off- being lost really breaks my heart because this was a service that is especially needed in the community) are going to result in a positive outcome for the victims involved.  I pray that that will be the case.  I also pray that the person that tossed the Molotov  cocktail at the second business makes different (better!) decisions in the future. 
I suppose that everything does happens for a reason, and with patience and faith the reasons for tragic events become clear.

 
On Irony 07/02/2009
 

I admit that I appreciate the humor found in irony as much as the next person.  I especially love irony that borders on the absurd, you know, the kind that makes you bite your tongue so as not to squeal at the top of your lungs about the absurdity of life. One of those absurdities is the plastic shopping bag irony/absurdity.  Now let me preface this by saying that I am a true proponent of the idea that one person can make a huge impact on life/the planet/the economy (hey! I'm an optimist, remember?) by doing things in a certain way. That's great, I am all for going the extra mile to save our home.  But, one of the things that has me scratching my head is the plastic bag absurdity.  I was at the grocery store the other day and the check-out clerk asked if I would like to purchase a non-plastic shopping bag.  I told her that I wouldn't mind taking a couple (they seemed like convenient transportation bags for such things as library books).  The woman behind me then decided to educate me on the importance of saving our planet.  I agreed with her that this was indeed a noble and needed pursuit.  I noticed that she had about a half dozen of these totes in her possession (clearly she was ahead of the curve and had purchased them eons ago-or at least a couple of weeks ago).  She explained that since she passes on the entire "paper or plastic" dilemma by providing her own carry-all for groceries, she is doing her part in saving the planet.  I found it to be ironic that she had a jumbo-sized box of trash bags.  I didn't point out her plastic-waste-discrepancy but, I did find the whole interaction took on absurd proportions when she boarded her Hummer in the parking lot!  So, all this brings me to this; is it not more noble to drive a Hummer, purchase plastic bags, but carry a portion of one's organic arugula in earth-friendly totes, all the while beginning to be more aware of one's impact on the planet than it is to simply drive a Hummer, and to buy and use excess plastic bags in a clueless fashion?  I mean, honestly, is the planet not far better off to have this woman simply thinking about saving it from destruction than it is having her remain clueless? I say yes.  So, hats off to the woman that is doing her part.  Now how ironic is that?

 
 

Neale Donald Walsh states in his weekly newsletters that: "Human beings, CwG says, are not motivated to behave well because of fear of what will happen if they don't. Human beings are motivated to behave well because they hold a particular image of themselves --- that is, because they see themselves as a certain kind of person. "Every act," the text (Conversations with God) tells us, "is an act of self-definition." Once people understand this, their behaviors are affected forever.
This seems like a reasonable enough statement that anyone with a modicum of common sense would agree with.  However, I am constantly reminded that the majority of those walking the earth today are in denial about their role in their reality.  Recently, someone close to me shared a story  about someone  we both know.  It seems that the person's previous spouse is having a difficult time digesting the basic premise of cause and effect.  This individual, it seems, has had a history of exhibiting disinterest in the lives of their immediate family members.  Now, the family has decided to exclude the individual from from being invited to various family functions.  The behaviors in the past (the cause if you will) were such that they pointed to a lack of interest in the family events in general by the individual.  If the individual was not directly benefited, they opted out of participation.  Given that dynamic, it should have come as no surprise that eventually the lackadaisical disinterest paid to the affected family members would translate as all out exclusion in the long run (the effect).  Well, lo and behold, the distracted party has all of a sudden come to realize that their presence was no longer an issue for the key family members, that in effect, they have "moved on" without the disinterested member.  Why is this important?  Because, a basic lack of understanding, and implementation, of the Golden Rule, coupled with the law of cause and effect has resulted in a lot of heartache for the individual that heretofore was uninterested in these kinds of events.  Now, they are scratching their head in confusion.  Puzzled, they present the family with, "What happened??!!" instead of, "Oh! I see that my previous behaviors have resulted in my being ultimately excluded form activities."  It is unfortunate that the individual never got a grasp on such a basic law as cause and effect.  This shows me that the importance of teaching our children that every action has an equal and opposite reaction is not just an equation used in physics class, but an idea that pencils out in real life on a day to day basis.   Once we become awakened to this realization, we cannot go back to the irresponsible state of mind that ignorance of this basic law previously afforded.  Neale Donald Walsh's statement of decisions and behaviors working to define who we are,  really is an example "the mind as parachute" metaphor, that once a mind has been opened, it cannot snap back to being closed.  And with greater awareness, greater freedom is found.  If it is true that I am responsible for my life (and I am a major supporter of this premise!) then it is true that my life can be just as wonderful as I want it to be!  That is to say, that once a person is awakened to their own power, they become FREE to live a better life.  By being aware of the law of cause and effect, the actions, intentions, decisions, and ultimately the thought processes generated by this now-aware-person will work in such a way that everything they put into the pipeline will come out in the way that is most beneficial to them.  Oh happy day!  By knowing this simple truth,  we can turn our lives around in the areas that need turning.  And this is a freeing notion.  So what of the individual that is dumbfounded by their shunning?  They can certainly turn around the negative effects that their negative causation has created.  But they have to start now...what is done is done.  They cannot change the past.  They can, however, take responsibility today and work on new effects by making new causation in this moment.  Placing blame for one's failures on others, perpetuates the negative effects they are experiencing.  So carpe diem! Seize today and take responsibility for life.  Change your thinking and you truly will change your life.